ATTENTION FEDERAL JUDICIARY CANDIDATE: As a George W. Bush nominee, your confirmation by the newly GOP-controlled Senate is a foregone conclusion. Therefore, in the interest of thwarting the nuisance of egregious Democratic filibustering, the White House and Congressional Judiciary Committees have cooperated in the development of this online application system - which effectively dispenses with the farce of confirmation hearings altogether. Please fill out the form below in its entirety. Once completed, you will be issued a temporary Federal Judgeship permit authorizing you to proceed immediately to the nearest U.S. Circuit Court and begin dismantling the separation of church and state.

FEDERAL JUDICIARY EXPRESS CONFIRMATION: Name: E-mail: Patriot ID#: Home State: .... Texas Mississippi Alabama South Carolina North Carolina Georgia Other (Confederacy) Other (Yankee/Western Territories) University: .... Harvard Yale Princeton Duke Bob Jones Brigham Young Oral Roberts Liberty Brotherhood: ... Skull & Bones Sigma Chi DEKE Kappa Kappa Kappa Gamma Omega Pi Alpha Beta Other (Traditional) Other (Co-Ed/Pussy Frat) Presidential Affiliation: ... Immediate Family Extended Family Fraternity Brother Campaign Donor Back-Slapping Business Companero Influential Southern Country Club WASP Other Presidential Nickname: ... Tank Frankarooni Animal The Jimmer Spazz Brains Rawhide Jumbo Sloppy Seconds Massah Whitey Favorite Movie: ... Birth of a Nation The Ten Commandments Gone With the Wind The Turner Diaries American History X Shaft Goes to Africa I'm Gonna Git You Sucka Long Dong Silver The Constitution: ... Is the legal foundation on which our nation is built. Is a myth perpetuated by faggoty liberal historians. Could stand a little editing and re-writing. The Bill of Rights: ... Is the barrier protecting citizens from government. Was just a suggestion. Three is just right. Twelve is a little excessive. If Strom Thurmond had been elected President, we wouldn't have had all these problems. ... True True By "problems," I mean: ... Drugs Rape Murder Homosexuality Nuclear Proliferation Incest Criminalization Universities should admit students based on: ... Legacy Money Connections Sports Grades & stuff Coloredness Select the actual Martin Luther King Jr. quote: ... "Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!" "I have a dream... where whitey pays me to sit on my lazy ass!" "Come to think of it, I'm wrong. Master treats us real nice-like." "Where the white women at?" Homosexual marriage is: ... An affront to American decency A heinous sin in the eyes of God A liberal tax break scheme A conspiracy by non-fraternity ass-fuckers to ass-fuck. States may outlaw sex acts such as: ... Non-missionary Sodomy Black-on-white rape Man-on-man oral Lezbo hoovering I am "Pro-Life:" ... Yes Yes People get too many choices these days: ... Yes Yes Women need to saved from themselves: ... Yes Yes Affirmative Action: Social Responsibility ... The Old Boy Network: Fairness Negroes: Ingrates Chains: White Power Capitalism: Darwinism The Death Penalty: Justice ... Lynching: Law Blacks: Murder The South: Rising Again Republicans: God's Divine Will The Three U.S. Government Branches: ... Executive/Judicial/Legislative Executive/Executive/Executive Executive/Information Retrieval/Penal Illuminati/Sons of the Confederacy/Wall Street Under my robes, I wear: ... A six-shooter A leather training harness A cumberbund of thorns Another robe I swear to uphold: ... The Christian Coalition Charter My own paranoid prejudices My sanctimonious fervor The integrity of my investment portfolio I accept Jesus as my Lord, Savior, and Justifier of Selfish Rationalizations I Made Up But Attribute to Him: ... Yes Yes

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