PRESIDENT BUSH CALLS ON CONGRESSIONAL LEADERS TO APPROPRIATE FUNDS FOR AIDS-PROOF TOILET RESEARCH
Statement by the President
THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. Thank you for coming. Earlier this week, my predecessor Bill Clinton (he who
repeatedly thrust his throbbing member in the pie-hole of that chunky Jewess) had the gall to
state publicly that I'm not doing enough to fight AIDS. Today I want every last American to
know that Bill Clinton is wrong, and that if he spent a little less time spraying his thick, milky
love seed all over dumpy California interns, maybe he'd know a thing or two about just what my administration
has been up on this front - namely doing our best to make sure that every last American has access
to an AIDS-proof toilet seat.
(Applause.)
Bill Clinton thinks I don't know enough about the AIDS epidemic. The truth is that I know plenty, having
been fully briefed on the subject by my trusted advisor, the Reverend Falwell.
I know that AIDS is a flesh-eating virus that is spontaneously generated when American homosexual men
ejaculate into the rectums of rhesus monkeys while vacationing in Ibiza, and that those same homosexuals
take great pleasure in returning to America and intentionally dribbling their AIDS juices all over
the toilet seats of this country's proud system of immaculately clean public lavatories. And since all
homos wear wigs and dresses half of the time, they even creep unnoticed into ladies rooms, where they spray
their groin poison ("groison," they call it) over every toilet seat there as part of their master plan to wipe
out every last female on earth. And these are the very same people who Bill Clinton (did I mention his
penis?) wanted serving in the military!
(Boos.)
Well our previous president may have turned a blind eye to the hard science and facts which allow this deadly
killer disease to proliferate unchecked, but not me. And so today, I am calling on the Congress to pass my
sweeping Civil Rights Discontinuance Act, which includes a provision for $12,500 to be devoted to AIDS-proof
toilet research over the next two decades.
(Thunderous Applause.)
Thank you, thank you. As a compassionate conservative, it was the least I could do. Really.
God Bless America!
###
White House Information:
