TRANSCRIPT OF PRESIDENT BUSH'S PHONE CALL OFFERING SUPER TUESDAY CONGRATULATIONS TO PRESUMPTIVE DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE SENATOR LURCH DUKAKIS
Official White House Transcript
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
SENATOR KERRY: This is Senator Kerry speaking...
OPERATOR: This is the White House switchboard. We have a collect call from the President of the United States.
Will you accept the charges?
SENATOR KERRY: Yes...
OPERATOR: Hold, please.
[Muzak version of Foreigner's "I Wanna Know What Love Is"]
THE PRESIDENT: Hello?
SENATOR KERRY: Mr. President?
THE PRESIDENT: Hello?
SENATOR KERRY: To what do I owe the honor of your call, sir?
THE PRESIDENT: Who's this? What do you want?
SENATOR KERRY: You're calling me, sir. It's John Kerry...
THE PRESIDENT: Is this the one that snitched out his buddies for rubbing out all those gook girlies and babies while I
was kicking it in 'Bama?
SENATOR KERRY: No sir, that's Bob Kerry. This is JOHN Kerry, sir. From S&B at Yale, remember? 322?
THE PRESIDENT: Oh! Lurch! Lurch Dukakis!
SENATOR KERRY: That's right, sir.
[Sound of 16 oz. Buckler Being Shotgunned.]
THE PRESIDENT: Now I remember. Well Lurch, me and Karl were sitting here watching the primary returns, and he thought it
would be a good idea to call you up and congratulate you on... you know... whatever.
SENATOR KERRY: Thank you very much, sir.
THE PRESIDENT: I mean, it's good politics really. Me calling you up, congratulating you on winning the top
loser spot for the Dummycraps. Makes me come off as a good guy, you know? A real upstanding sport. Especially once
I leak it to Reverend Moon.
SENATOR KERRY: Well, I hope we will both serve our country the best we can, and that we have a great debate about
the issues.
THE PRESIDENT: Sure we will – just before I dice your bony ass into dainty little patties of Yankee giraffe meat.
SENATOR KERRY: I beg to differ with you, Mr. President. It will be a tough race, but this is about a bold new vision
for our proud –
THE PRESIDENT: Knock, knock
SENATOR KERRY: A bold new vision for –
THE PRESIDENT: KNOCK KNOCK
SENATOR KERRY: [Clearing of Patrician Throat Phlegm.] Who is there?
THE PRESIDENT: The Democratic Presidential Nominee
SENATOR KERRY: The Democratic Presidential Nominee who?
THE PRESIDENT: The Democratic Presidential Nominee needs to decide whether he's a war hero or an anti-war legend,
for trade or against it, a liberal or a moderate, a Regular Joe or a gold-digging boner of hippy-dippy
foreigner ketchup widows before I paint him as a soft-on-terror Christ-killer and mop the floor with that
purty mop of Faggachusetts bluegrass he's got sprouting from that big ugly horsey head of his.
SENATOR KERRY: Good evening, Mr. President. I will see you on the campaign trail.
THE PRESIDENT: Or in your case, the trail of tears, Governor Kennedy.
[Long, Juicy Fart. Texas Guffaws.]
SENATOR KERRY: [Click.]
[END TRANSCRIPT]
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White House Information:
