JIM PEDERSON (Arizona):
Would you vote for Democratic candidate Jim Pederson if you found out that he regularly hires illegal Mexi-Rican day workers in the parking lot of a Phoenix Home Depot to staff and run his campaign headquarters, and that they swill Coronas and lounge lazily in hammocks all day long, eating fajitas and whistling at white girls while being paid with Federal matching funds?
[ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Not Sure
NED LAMONT (Connecticut):
Would you vote for Democratic candidate Ned Lamont if you found out that he was a cable television executive, and that as such, he made millions by transmitting hardcore pornography into children's bedrooms, and that if elected, he wouldn't care if your baby's blue eyes were sullied by repeated pay-per-view showings of Clit-Flicking Bull Dykes VII?
[ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Not Sure
CLAIRE McCASKILL (Missouri):
Would you vote for Democratic Candidate Claire McCaskill if you found out that as a cheerleader in high school, she begged the entire football team to run a train on her while shrieking orgasmically about how the Founding Fathers never intended the Second Amendment to allow law-abiding citizens to buy personal Howitzers for squirrel hunting?
[ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Not Sure
JON TESTER (Montana):
Would you vote for Democratic candidate if you found out that his flat-top hair-do was really a wig – a wig concealing long, flowing hippy tresses – and that as a card-carrying member of the Animal Defense Militia, he believes that people who raise or eat beef are murderers whose genitals should be hacked off, sautÊed in garlic and force-fed to them at knifepoint?
[ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Not Sure
ROBERT MENENDEZ (New Jersey):
Would you vote for Democratic candidate Robert Menendez if you found out that he has a personal supply of primo Cuban Romeo y Julietas cigars that he gets smuggled in though his connections with the Castro government, and that he uses burning copies of the American Constitution to light these cigars while thanking "dios" and generally babbling in Hispanishican?
[ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Not Sure
SHERROD BROWN (Ohio):
Would you vote for Democratic candidate Sherrod Brown if you found out that Rush Limbaugh was correct when he identified Brown as a negro, who, when he's not in whiteface complaining about the glorious status quo, drives a pimped-out Escalade with spinning hubcaps, flaunts a gaudy $100,000 necklace over a "Kanye Was Right" wifebeater, and wears oversized dungarees slung so low, passing children are at risk of catching pubic lice?
[ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Not Sure
SHELDON WHITEHOUSE (Rhode Island):
Would you vote for Democratic candidate Sheldon Whitehouse if you found out that while an undergraduate at Yale University, he referred to the great state of Rhode Island as "a pathetic, midget turd of a Boston suburb filled with pathetic, midget turd people – especially the so-called men, who have pathetic, midget pee-pees, that are usually encrusted with turds"?
[ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Not Sure
JIM WEBB (Virginia):
Would you vote for Democratic candidate Jim Webb if you found out that while serving as Ronald Reagan's Secretary of the Navy, Webb opposed allowing women to serve on U.S. warships - not out of any concern for their safety, but due to his passionate desire to preserve a Navy culture of high-seas homosexual orgies, a culture he had aggressively cultivated and practiced for years, even after being infected with the AIDS?
[ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Not Sure
MARIA CANTWELL (Washington):
Would you vote for Democratic candidate Maria Cantwell if you found out that she was secretly a lesbian, but has been having constant promiscuous sex with married men since the age of 14, simply so she could destabilize the institution of marriage, AND get prescriptions for highly-addictive opium-based pain killers for each of the 27 abortions she's had since 1973?
[ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Not Sure
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TO: State Republican Campaign Chairmen
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