FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – OFFICE OF THE PRESS SECRETARY – EXECUTIVE BRANCH

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June 26, 2007

President Graciously Responds to Retarded Anti-Torture Ramblings of Insolent Teenaged Nerds

On June 25th, the solemn dignity of an East Room ceremony was rudely shattered, when 50 pimple-encrusted recipients of the Presidential Scholars medal had the audacity to abuse free speech by presenting President Bush with a traitorously subversive letter. Its mesage: "We do not want America to represent torture."

Though not typically inclined to dignify the tactless ignorance of hormone-deranged puberteens, President Bush nevertheless took time from his demanding schedule today to personally pen a courteous response.