Information Collected and Stored Automatically:
If your visit to WHITEHOUSE.ORG consists solely of browsing web pages or downloading information, the collecting of your personal information will be accomplished as follows:

Upon accessing any page of WHITEHOUSE.ORG for the first time, a small, patriotism-affirming java applet ("The White House Applet") is downloaded in the background. You may experience a slight reduction in processor performance while this application invisibly installs itself at three random locations (one primary, two backup) on your computer's hard drive. Based on bleeding-edge "Carnivore" technology developed by the Federal Bureau of Investigations, The White House Applet will unobtrusively monitor both your computer and Internet usage for signs of leftist, progressive, or otherwise inherently treasonous activities – delivering bi-weekly executive summaries of any and all harvested data to federal mainframe databases via 128-bit encrypted stealth uplink. The following information about you will be included:

• Your computer operating system
• Your web browser type and version
• Your "IP" address and/or Internet domain access point
• Your name
• Your e-mail address(es)
• Your physical address(es)
• Reporting Period Summary of:
  • Websites visited
  • Internet keyword searches performed
  • Usenet Newsgroups visited
  • E-mails composed
  • E-mails received
  • Pornography downloaded
  • Instant messaging transcript(s)

If You Send Us Personal Information:
If you choose to voluntarily furnish WHITEHOUSE.ORG with personal information using the official web-based contact form, please be aware that the information you provide will be cross-referenced with the authoritative database (as compiled by The White House Applet) in order to confirm or deny the truthfulness of your communication. PLEASE NOTE: Persons determined to have fabricated details relating to identity, whereabouts, or ideological wholesomeness may be subject to politically-motivated prosecution and/or income tax audit.

Usage of Collected User Data:
All personal data collected about you on WHITEHOUSE.ORG will be used to assemble a comprehensive personal profile of your political leanings, socio-economic footing, consumeristic propensities, and racial purity – from which will be derived your overall human worthiness quotient. Said profile may be rented, leased, or made available on a pay-per-view basis to no more than 25 political action committees and/or 75 aggressive direct marketing agencies during the course of any given calendar year.